I would like to share some of our experiencings of our recent seminar and demonstration. This was an ambitious project for all of us here in Austin. It consisted of a four-day seminar with Maja Möser Thimm (from Germany) and a 90-minute demo, which was videotaped. The preparations for the demo and organizing the seminar provided tremendous opportunities for work on ourselves as well as working with others, and a chance in some small way to attempt to preserve the teaching for the future.

Since having the demonstration and putting it on local access television, we have received feedback on our work, which is very useful. Although I would not say we made an accurate representation of the movements, there is no denying the amount of effort involved in such a project. In addition, the demo attracted the attention of other groups and organizations of the Gurdjieff work, which in turn has led us deeper into the movements. We now have data for a more exact practice of movements that would have otherwise not been accessible to us. This will aid us in perfecting our work. Certain people were, of course, upset, because they perceived us as misrepresenting the movements; however, our efforts have had excellent results!

When we were making the costumes, we became engaged in an activity that was new for most of us and quite a challenge. We wanted to make the outfits 'perfect' but also had to get them done on time. We also wanted to allow everyone to be involved in the process, many of whom were not in our group, and this provided additional friction, because the outsiders did not have the same ideas as we shared within our group. It ended up that in order to include others, some outfits had to be ripped apart and redone, taking more time, yet it was an important element in the process. The costumes also allowed people who were not as good at the movements to be involved 'offstage.' This was a big part of the whole experience.

Then came the sessions in which we prepared for the demo, which went on for about two months. Toward the end we were meeting twice a week, which was wonderful and shows that people are in fact capable of coming to movements more often than they do. Our classes were twice the usual size as well. In a way it is sad to me, as a primary organizer of classes, that it takes an event (or identification with an event) to get people to come to sessions. However, I was glad to lead these sessions. There came a point, in a session just before the dress rehearsal, when everyone moved together in a new and tangible way, which prompted me to announce that "Mr. Gurdjieff has come to Austin."

The additional pressure for me personally in leading classes as the nervousness increased proportionally with the proximity of the demo was very useful. Keeping the focus on myself and my work, instead of focusing on what the group looked like (for my own vanity) as a reflection of my leadership, was a very useful struggle. I also was working with Anya, who has been leading movements with us for four years, and the inevitable opinions about how things should be done added friction on another scale, which I needed to keep separate from the class itself. This dynamic was successfully resolved, and I am happy to report that Anya and I both lead classes with the same participants now in a harmonious way. We are both closer—and, I hope, wiser—because of the experience. My communications with Maja also figured prominently in the preparatory period, and I also became quite close with her, like an essence friend. This is a very rare occurrence in life (and in work), and I am very grateful to have made this connection.

The seminar itself consisted in about 18 people of varying levels of commitment. Some came for all four days, a few for just one or two days, so the class had to adjust to this constantly. Maja has a way of allowing the class to 'reorganize' after entering into chaos, which was very powerful. She led us through six complete movements, which was very different from my previous experiences and also had a strong effect. We now have these movements to work on in our weekly sessions, so the seminar was not just a 'mountaintop' experience but has had ongoing effects for us. We did a fair amount of dervish-type exercises, which I especially enjoyed, given that our regular classes are mostly women (there was an even balance of men and women in the seminar). This provided clarification of the difference in men's and women's dances for all of us.

Perhaps most significant was the buildup of energies during the seminar. Our group work focuses primarily on the struggle with leaks, and by our working not to leak the energy of each day the quality and quantity of energy became very strong and greatly assisted and accelerated our learning of new movements. This quite palpable energy became a container and provided an environment for transformation that was unlike anything I have experienced in a seminar. Everyone came together in a way that is hard to describe, and the completing of complimentary tasks, such as cleaning up the space, proceeded with little or no assigning of tasks. Maja commented to me on several occasions about this energetic phenomenon, which was new to her as well.

Here are some comments made by participants:

We were a group of types that would not mix in ordinary life, yet we worked together like a 'hurdy-gurdy accompaniment' on a task that was quite new to all of us.

I saw the difference between following someone and doing my own movement. I can actually feel the displacement in the center of gravity when I switch between these two.

There were several times each day when a movement would 'come together' for a few seconds and then fall apart again as each person struggled with their part. It got so that both the 'coming together' and the struggle had a certain taste to them and fed me different kinds of energy, but neither was like ordinary life.

Was interesting to watch order arise amid chaos (and sometimes go back to chaos again), in others and in myself, as individuals and in the group. Sometimes there is a moment when I can feel that we all are expecting the teacher to stop us because we have almost totally disintegrated and are just about to give up; when she doesn't, we must make stronger efforts—that brings the order.

When we did the Enneagram in a circle with the new (for us) vibration earlier that day in the seminar, I felt, for the first time ever when doing this movement, power and movement in the enneagram that we formed--"The-line-of-the-flow-of-the-forces-constantly-deflecting-according-to-law-and-uniting-again-at-its-ends."

I tried to get us to pre-set a stepping length when we stopped for a break. M told me "Oh yes, you must work on that," but said nothing else. I was thinking, "That's what I'm trying to do!" So when I insisted, saying, "Let's set a step then," K looked at me and said in a loud voice, "E, this is what second-line work is. You and B have a different step length; none of them is wrong."

Which movements people pick up easily and which they struggle with tell something about a person.

I am sure that part of the reason I got so much from this is because of the efforts I put in; in turn, it really has nothing to do with how 'great' I am or any higher states that I may have attained to.

I felt that I could have really done something with this movement; I would start to get into the emotion of the movement and then get scared that I would become overwhelmed and forget. So I guess it could be said that at my very best I was wishy-washy in the demonstration.

When we did the Ceremony for a Dead Dervish, I felt firmly placed, even when I was making a mistake.

Often the turn itself would make me dizzy if I did not take that next step with real confidence. It was as if an energy gathered from the turn would be too much for me if I did not come out of the turn knowing for sure where to direct it next. But if there was that confidence in the initial step backwards or forwards, there was never the danger of dizziness; the energy would be used for the step.

While watching a practice I noticed that 'something' is required—a certain balance of divided attention—not simply 50% internal and 50% external but an apparently subjective something—'your' necessary amount of attention to different aspects (maybe for me it would be 37% internal, 26% external, and then there is something more—another element), and when the balance is reached, suddenly the movement becomes 'perfect' for that person and they appear different. Very beautiful and filled with something (like light) which I could see.

During the demo it became clear that what I know of the movements I know in my body and in my emotions, and less in my mind.

I am 'shifted' as a result of wholeheartedly participating in this excellent seminar. What I mean, in body-descriptive words is, my eyes look out from a new location.

I've been in plays before and when you're acting and you make a mistake, more than likely nobody will notice. But now it became clear to what an extent people will notice if you screw up while performing movements. My mistake felt like being a sore thumb for an eternity.

There was a certain 'bad taste' to what happened through me, but at the same time it was very satisfying to have been able to do what I did in the midst of my happenings. So my result was a balanced mixture of what might be called organic shame and objective doing. I do not feel better or worse, but more deeply.

At rare moments I had the impression that I was making turns, for instance, before I could even think about the fact that I should make a turn—as if some higher force were pulling my strings.

There are a few insights about the inner work, like information that came from somewhere while I was doing it. I understand better the vibration of "I am" now. But I see how I can't make any sense of what understanding a vibration is. Insight sounds like a good word for this. I can only see it inside me; trying to take it out on paper is like trying to make a sandwich out of the stuff that is in my stomach.

When we were working on the second one, I experienced the movement "doing itself," my right hand making the circle in steady time and being in the right place at any moment without my thinking about it, and something similar in my left arm movements as well. I had attention left over to notice that others were getting it too, even people with very little movements experience. Time slowed, and this part of the movement seemed to be about time, with the right hand like a clock or gear in one dimension (linear time), and the left hand moving in and out of another dimension.

Thanks to all who shared their experiencings.

Despite the fact that we had no formal connection with any lineages or organizations and our efforts did not receive any support from any outside groups, either in Austin or elsewhere, I can say without remorse of conscience that the events were work. One reason that I can say this is that it resulted in our receiving 'help,' which G promises will come when we make efforts. The movements in Austin have been, and continue to be, transformed as this help comes to us. We have reached a new scale.

KSR 02/06/02